Carib Beer vs St Martins, Regents Park,

Thursday 4th June 2026

The Caribs’ second outing of 2026 took them to Regent’s Park for a clash with St Martins. They say some stories (or match report in this instance) write themselves. This was one of those matches; there are some things you just can't make up.

Simon-from-Yorkshire, Quents and the revenge by the diamond duck

Background:
Friends of Carib captain Haigh - Quents and Simon-from-Yorkshire were in London and keen for a game with Caribs. Unfortunately, this was the first fixture of the season with full Carib members signing up to play. Under Carib constitution, full members have the first refusal on playing in games. Fortunately, our opponents were happy to accommodate Quents and Simon-from-Yorkshire in their side.

This part is very important. The last time I encountered Simon-from-Yorkshire in a Carib match, I was umpiring, upholding the strictly neutral standards of Carib umpiring. On that afternoon, a delivery struck Simon’s pads so squarely in front of middle stump that "plumb" feels like a gross understatement. While Simon walked off without any protest - gentleman that he is, I was reliably informed later that he had a vocal disagreement with my judicial accuracy.

On to the match now: The Caribs arrived promptly at the venue, including Carib Holmes, undeterred by a teasing weather. In fact, Caribs were ready a full two minutes before scheduled start of game (18:00) - a first in my living memory.

Carib Haigh duly lost the toss and Caribs were sent to bat first. Carib innings started with Carib Holmes and Carib Banerjee opening the batting. The pair made a steady start as they settled in and got their eye in. Just as Carib Banerjee looked ready to accelerate, he was undone by a particularly enticing, loopy, slower delivery by St Martins bowler Edwards. Carib Banerjee raised his bat in a big swing only for it to come down a tad late and ball crashed into the stumps. Carib Banerjee departed for 11 of 12 deliveries.

Carib Tom Horn then arrived at the crease - the very spine of the Carib middle order. Carib Horn and Carib Holmes put together a fine partnership, keeping the scoreboard moving with some elegant strokes, a few near misses, and lively running between the wickets. Before long, Carib Horn retired on 25, a very healthy contribution in his first game of the season.

Carib captain Haigh came in next, no doubt hoping to settle himself before dispatching a few soaring drives to remind his friends of his batting credentials. Alas, it was not to be. In his eagerness to pinch a quick single, Carib Holmes set off in search of the non-striker’s end while Haigh, still a bit rusty from the long winter, was slower to start. What followed was a glorious mixture of yes-no confusion, general kerfuffle, and outright chaos. Amid the mayhem, St Martins Edwards hurled the ball to the keeper, and Carib captain was run out without facing a single delivery.

In cricket, a golden duck is when a batter is dismissed first ball; a diamond duck is when they depart without facing one at all. This may well be the Caribs’ first.

Carib Kant replaced the captain at the crease, and before long Carib Holmes completed his 25 and retired, making way for Carib Yusuf. The Caribs now had two fresh batters in the middle, and Carib Yusuf began in his usual style, mixing boundaries with well-judged singles and twos while keeping a sharp eye on the ball. While Carib Kant continued his strategy of watching the ball only when the bowler let go of it, then closing his eyes, taking a mighty swing and praying to almighty that the bat connects to ball. Carib Kant was lucky to score 12 before his luck ran out on a particularly in-swinging good-length ball that took the top of leg stump. Carib Weaver came in to see out the remaining deliveries, Carib Yusuf finished unbeaten on 20 of 14, and the Caribs closed on a respectable 135 - above par for a change.

Caribs opened the defence with a blend of spin and pace, Carib Cordey operating from one end and Carib Khairnar from the other. The hope was that some left-arm spin would bring an early breakthrough, but St Martins were patient and looked comfortably set. Carib Haigh then turned to Carib Kant in search of inspiration, though he failed to trouble the batters much. Next came Carib Yusuf, still buoyant after his batting exploits. Carib Yusuf bowled the very first ball of his spell at outside-off, short(ish) length. Batter Frost looked to play it above the square only to clip it in the hands of Carib Cordey who was standing nonchalantly at square and barely had to move a couple of millimetres to complete the catch. A credit to Carib Haigh's field placement, Caribs had their first wicket. (Editor note - this catch also taken whilst it was raining and Phil had his rain hood up).

The next batter in was Simon-from-Yorkshire, and Carib Kant was especially keen to bowl at him given their previous encounters. Carib Kant sent down a tidy over, punctuated by repeated appeals for leg before, even when Simon had got bat on the ball or the delivery was comfortably outside the stumps. Then Carib Haigh took matters into his own hands. With real venom in his run-up, he appeared determined to exact revenge for that earlier diamond duck, while Simon, after too many dot balls and a steady stream of Carib Kant chatter, tried to force the pace.

The first delivery was just outside leg stump, but Carib Haigh quickly recalibrated his length and produced a peach-of-delivery on a good length that Simon missed completely, the ball crashing into his stumps. The revenge of the diamond duck was on.

Next came Quents. Carib Haigh was still charged up and, invigorated by the wicket, carried on in the same strong rhythm. Quents got his eye in, but then, from a slightly softer delivery, tried to loft the ball over point. Carib Cordey was stationed exactly there. Even with the sun in his eyes, Carib Cordey judged the trajectory of the ball perfectly and held on cleanly(well somewhat cleanly). With two catches in one match, Carib Cordey would surely be in the running for Fielder of the Year. (Editor note - this catch also taken whilst it was blazing sun and Phil had the sun directly in his eyes, quite the contrast to his earlier catch).

Amid all the action, the Caribs kept their fielding tight, putting their bodies on the line. This was exemplified by Carib Holmes at square leg: a loose ball was properly whacked by the St Martins batter and the ball travelled like a bullet. It looked like a certain boundary only for Carib Holms to nonchalantly stop it with his left hand and deny any runs. Another excellent piece of fielding brought a run-out, expertly completed by Carib wicketkeeper Bowen.

St Martins picked up the odd boundary here and there, but they remained well behind the required rate, and the inevitability of the result began to settle over the game. R Ware retired on 25, while the St Martins pairing of Judd and P Ware batted sensibly in an effort to chase the target, but the asking rate was simply too steep. St Martins finished on 100, and the Caribs claimed their first win of the season.

After the match, it emerged that it was Quents’ 57th birthday, and we all joined in with a chorus of Happy Birthday. We also wished Simon-from-Yorkshire the best of luck for the next game, hoping to see him behind in the Carib colours next time. A handful of Caribs headed off to the usual watering hole, while the rest made their way home, carrying the hope that this win would set the tone for the rest of the season.

Carib Beer XI Win by 35 Runs

Scorecard