Carib Beer XI vs Delta Rail / AEAT Old Boys - June 6th 2011

For their first game of the Carib Season the Carib Boys returned to the familiar surroundings of Wray Crescent in Finsbury Park to take on two of their perennial favourites, the “Delta Rail / AEAT Old Boys” now merged into a single unit, but who continue to be made up of ex work colleagues and friends from various companies associated with train timetables, most of whom appear to be well known to our Captain Martin Haigh and chief umpire Michael Lee. Nevertheless, unusually for Finsbury Park Council, as we arrived at the ground, we were to find the stumps already in place and a very helpful member of the ground-staff on hand to remove the rather onerous steel security mechanisms, required in those parts of town, from the pavilion door and let us in to change.

Being a category three game, which permits, if the rumours are correct, on field drinking, we were able to avail ourselves of some beer on the way up from the station and as the massed ranks of the Caribs and the Old Boys began to assemble, a few brave souls began to pull back the ring pulls on their cans in full view of our Captain and Chairman, Martin Haigh, known to be a virulent opponent of drinking anywhere near the hallowed turf. Presumably, Martin, now a fully fledged member of the MCC will be similarly strict on his fellow members if he finds them enjoying a few glasses of Pimms in the Lord’s pavilion the next time he’s in attendance (taking care not to induce heart attacks and strokes in the process of course).

Team wise, we had a reasonably good turn out of Carib Regulars with village blacksmith bludgeoner and northern bakery magnate Phil Cordey even making an appearance in the side, as was Mr Willis, fully fit after managing to avoid every winter net session on the grounds that it could affect his woeful batting performances. James Gray, a ringer from the Bank of England and Antonio Tsaradaris, a young Brazilian prospect who was found loafing on the field, and unusually for Finsbury Park, not engaged in criminal activity of any kind, made up the team sheet, sadly depleted at the last moment by the inability of Essex nurdler and grenade tosser Glen Gooch to make it away from work on time.

It’s worth mentioning that Martin Haigh categorically denies the existence of any such thing as Category Three status and this difference between Martin’s and the rest of the team’s understanding on this point was to cause much consternation on Martin’s part directed at both the Caribs and the Old Boys for their shameless behaviour for almost the duration of the match. Even Ringer James Gray, only there on the promise of beer, was to find himself on the end of a tirade from the boundary as he headed out to field, can of beer in hand, that “there’s no such thing as category three, and on field drinking is definitely not allowed .. young man”. That James was still holding the same can of beer several minutes later while fielding at point and stopping the ball with his feet showed he was fitting into the team ethos just fine.

As time marched on, Martin and someone chosen at random to captain the opposition trudged out to take the toss in the middle. Martin, calling correctly, decided to have a bat and the Carib openers were chosen, ageing medium pacer Carib Rogerson would take the first ball with nurdler and fine leg fielder Andy Moss at the other end. Strangely, a new rule has been implemented this year at the ground meaning that bowling can only take place from one end of the pitch. This means that the batsmen, not the fielders, have to change ends at the end of each over. (The reason for this appears to have been that the people who lived at one end of the ground had complained about the risk of cricket balls striking their Ford Cortinas and had managed to convince the Council’s facilities people that this was a condition of them removing their cars from the pitch, to where they had been driven and parked in protest).

Initially, the two openers started well, pushing the ball around while remaining relatively untroubled by the opening bowlers. However, we were barely into the 3rd over when Andy Moss nurdled the ball directly to square leg and called the old fast bowler through for a quick single. Without a direct hit, the old timer would have struggled, but as it was, he had hobbled barely half way down the pitch when the missile like throw took off the bails to send the miserable opener back to the hutch, rueing not sending Andy back the moment he had suggested the suicidal run.

Next in was our very own flame haired northerner, Carib Cordey, who was to unleash some serious fireworks on the hapless opposition bowlers. Circumspectly, he blocked his first three deliveries, then let rip with four huge sixes in only five balls. One sailed over the pavilion and landed in the bushes behind, spraying discarded needles in all directions as it ploughed through the undergrowth. Another landed uncomfortably close to the spectators, striking the waste bin and ricocheting dangerously off chairs before finally coming to rest. The other two were just brutal straight drives and resulted in half the opposition being called in to search the surrounding trees for the now battered cricket ball much as a group of forensic policemen might search for clues in a forest. It was, as Martin said, “Vintage Cordey” and as a brief but brutal cameo catapulted the Carib’s scorecard up to around 8 an over, completely overshadowing Andy Moss’s relentless flat batting from the other end. Unfortunately, with the Northern bludgeoner now past 25 he was forced to retire to the accolades of his fellow team mates who gleefully pointed out how close the various strikes had landed to them, and how close they were to succumbing to real injuries should the ball have landed just a few inches to the left.

Next man in was our keen but hapless wicketkeeper Andy Bowen, usually someone who can always be relied on to slow down the run rate should we be getting ahead of ourselves. Initially, this appeared to be his intention, and the run rate noticeably slowed, but soon, the third and fourth change bowlers began to land the ball in the one place on the pitch from where Andy appears to be able to score a run, and before long even he was scything boundaries of his own. Joined at the crease by his Captain and leader, our Chairman Martin Haigh (resplendent in his new batting helmet, which given the complete docility of the wet matting wicket was presumably to protect himself against falling meteorite detritus), both Carib batsmen continued to push the score along nicely. Martin, keen presumably not to be outdone by one of his charges, bludgeoned a huge six of his own that also narrowly failed to behead the scorer on the boundary. Sadly, however, the fireworks of Carib Cordey were not to be repeated and Martin fell for 14 to be replaced by another of our potential big hitters, Team Selector Dan Tungate and we expected great things from him, considering the generally innocuous bowling being sent down by the Old Boys.

Strangely, Dan wasn’t able to push the score along much at all, although the forward defensive prods were as near technically perfect as you could want to see. Mr Bowen, now well past 25 was forced to retire and our Compulsive Bouncer Bowling opening bowler, Jarrod Worthy, joined Dan at the crease. After the earlier fireworks, the run rate again slowed as the bowling became increasingly harder to reach (Old Boy Winslett bowling a 13 ball over at one point). The shock of a straight one did for Carib Tungate who’s 11 ball innings had registered only 4 and had included a dreadfully miscued drive that, luckily for us, returned to earth in the close vicinity of our own Keen Fine Leg Fielder, Andy Moss, subbing for the opposition, who of course promptly dropped it.

Carib Worthy flayed at every ball as usual, and although connecting with two, which flew to the boundary, the rest struck empty space (killing a few flies in the process no doubt) until he managed to get his edge close enough to one to send it on its way to second slip, departing for a miserable 8 runs and blaming the soggy grass, bad light, the poor choice of bat manufacturer, and no doubt Geoffrey Boycott’s mother-in-law for his lack of progress.

Our Ringer James Gray, batting, indeed playing cricket, for the very first time in his life, failed to trouble the scorers to any great extent and departed to a good Old Boy catch for nought. Carib Willis, benefiting from his non-appearance at the nets did barely any better, losing his off stump for 2 with only our new signing Antonio Tsavardaris, (a young Brazilian with a keen Latin approach to sledging, learned on the terraces of the Sao Paulo Corinthians (probably), and which consisted of largely stating the obvious while laughing raucously and pointing), left to bat. He wasn’t too last long, but must have been disappointed when the architect of his demise was poor old Andy Moss, still subbing for the opposition, who swooped cat like (i.e. running round in circles with arms stretched heavenwards) from mid off to snatch a remarkable catch to dismiss him for 2, laying to rest the rumours that he was fluffing all attempts to take catches off the Carib batsmen on purpose.

Now all out, and with overs to spare, it was the turn of our retirees to return to the fray, Messrs Bowen and Cordey against the sixth and seventh change Old Boy bowlers. Although Carib Cordey was again able to climb into the opposition bowling, despatching a further 4 meaty northern strikes to the boundary before being bowled, our relentlessly keen wicketkeeper was only able to further his score by 1 run before the innings came to a close and everyone returned to the boundary with the Caribs on a not un-useful 135, a score we felt sure we should be able to defend.

To open the bowling for the Caribs would be our half track bumper bowler Jarrod Worthy and newly invigorated, after four work outs in the nets over the winter in an effort to prolong his career, ageing medium pacer, and current batting award holder, Carib Rogerson. Carib Worthy immediately found the middle of the pitch with his usual selection if misdirected half trackers and bumpers that passed harmlessly by the opening Old Boy batsman, Old Boy Draper, who was able to flat bat them remorselessly down to backward point prompting our Captain Martin Haigh, to deploy ever more fielders in the slip cordon to stem the flow of runs. From the other end, however, Carib Rogerson was able to keep it tight and after four overs, the Old Boys were already behind the run rate.

First change saw our wiley slow bowlers Tungate and Willis share a couple of overs each. Although no wickets were to fall, they were hardly smacked out of the park (as can quite often happen to Carib Willis when faced with anyone who can hold a bat the right way round). All the while the two Old Boys at the crease continued to accumulate runs while falling ever further behind the rate required for victory. Third change, however, things started to happen. Our Captain and Chairman, Martin Haigh, threw the ball to the young Brazilian sledger and offered him a bowl. Martin himself would take the next over, to temper the fiery Latin’s exuberance and ensure that the sledging didn’t get too out of hand. Although Antonio could be at best described as erratic, the Old Boy batsmen found his mix of beamers, half trackers, wides and no-balls distinctly unsettling, and before long, opener Old Boy Kam was sufficiently rattled to sky a catch straight into the safe hands of Village Blacksmith, Carib Cordey. From the other end, Captain Haigh also enjoyed some success. Old Boy Wallis was induced into lofting another catch straight in the direction of the not exactly safe pair of hands of regular Deep Fine Leg fielder Carib Moss, who, perhaps buoyed by his earlier successful attempt to catch a cricket ball managed to hold on to yet another catch, bringing his career tally to two, to dismiss yet another Old Boy batsman.

Two balls later, however, and the new Old Boy batsman, Old Boy Edmondson, attempted to hit another ball in Mr Moss’s direction. Determined not to repeat the heart in mouth experience of watching Carib Moss attempt to catch something off his own bowling, Martin threw himself almost full length at Mr Moss, almost knocking him to the ground, risking serious injury to both, and caught the ball himself, much to Mr Moss’s relief no doubt who must have known that two catches out of three attempts was certainly beating the odds and happy for Mr Haigh to have a chance to record a Caught and Bowled against his own averages. Whatever the experiences of both Caribs, however, we had now started to make serious inroads into the Old Boy line up and Andy Moss and Gordon Berry, statistician in chief, were brought on to complete their usual 10 ball plus overs. On completion of what seemed like an interminable length of time, with both umpires brains completely frazzled by having to try and remember how many legitimate balls had been bowled, our last pair of bowlers joined the attack, our Ringer James Gray, and fiery Latin sledger Antonio.

Although Ringer Gray had been given a brief introduction into the art of bowling two minutes before, he began his delivery with a run up to rival the bouncer bowling Jarrod Worthy, charging up to the wicket, stopping a yard in front, and doing a great impression of a twelve year old girl throwing a melon to her granny, i.e. the ball didn’t really get all the way down the pitch before it started rolling. After some further advice that the arm should be straight at the point of delivery, and that the shot put was actually a different sport, he tried again, this time the ball did reach the batsman and he managed to complete his over in only some 11 chucks. Fearing being reported to the ethics committee for the legitimacy of his action, Martin wisely decided to remove him from the attack and allowed the Latin Sledger to complete his final over.

Thinking that every ball should yield a wicket, the young tyro grew ever more excited. One delivery reached such lofty heights, that it flew straight over the batsmans head, falling, stonelike behind him to clatter into the stumps. Jeering and pointing in the direction of the clubhouse, directing the bewildered Old Boy back to the boundary, he was somewhat deflated when we were forced to inform him that the delivery was probably a no-ball and as such had to be repeated. Not to be deterred, however, he continued to throw down every more excitable deliveries, until one of the Old Boys, perhaps fearing for his life, missed a straight one which, amazingly, was snaffled by our hapless, but keen, wicketkeeper Carib Bowen who smartly removed the bails, giving Ringer Antonio his first wicket for the Caribs.

By now, however, the Carib score was out of reach of the Old Boys and they fell short of overhauling our score, recording a very presentable 110, a victory for us of some 25 runs. After completing the formalities of finishing off the beer and arguing over who should be excused from bag carrying duty, we trotted off to the pub after a very enjoyable game, to much lively cricket related banter in a local establishment.

Carib Beer XI Win by 25 Runs

Scorecard